No whine 'n cheese: how it feels to be in pain in a world where I'm not supposed to complain.

5:18 PM

You want a happy face from me? Choose one of these, dammit! 
On the morning of April 12 I was driving down my street to Dunkin Donuts -- only because it's a short drive and my first choice of Krispy Kreme is like 20-25 minutes away -- the light turned red and I and the other drivers came to complete stops.

All except one, this older woman, who must have been coming up off the I85 ramp. Folks tend to speed going up for some reason. In a hurry to drive onto a bumpy street? Who knows.

Because she shole didn't look like she was going to work. Late 60s or early 70s -- since black don't crack, you know? Wherever she was headed, she couldn't stop like the rest of us.

Bam.

There goes my bumper, my whole left side, and flashbacks of the accident from five years ago -- when I was still engaged, and the first thing dude said to my father was "she's about to get paid."

The lady did hurry out her car to check on me. I could tell she felt bad. I guess I was supposed to tell her "I'll be alright, ma'am." Because that's what sista-gurls do, be alright even when we're not.

I'm a sistah-gurl. I'm supposed to be strong, because...Harriett Tubman. I'm alive, and I should thank my lucky stars, because...Prince. I'm in a relationship but for all intents and purposes...still single...and happy though...and should feel free as a bird because...Bey. I should focus on bigger fish,like the Presidential elections, because...Donald Trump.

I shouldn't make shyt about me, because it's unacceptable. Regardless of how helpful I have been and will continue to be when it comes to others, it can never be about me. Especially the not-so-single-and-happy-me. Oh no, can't talk about that.

When people ask "how ya doing"? I'm supposed to say that I'm fine, because I look fine, and as mom keeps reminding me, "it could have been much worse, thank God".

When the meds kick in, I'm high, and don't feel any pain, so I look fine. But I'm also not able to make my money. I've turned in two assignments one week past their deadlines! The editor had mercy though, because of the accident, but then again, she only knows me behind the laptop screen. I'm sure if she lived in Charlotte where she could see me, she would not have been so generous.

Because I look fine.

Then there is the nervousness I sometimes feel when driving. I'm checking the rear-view more often these days. 

And I didn't feel pain when I started typing this piece. The left side of my neck is now bothering me, (just in time too, my second week of doc visits begin in a few) so lemme wrap this up: I'll be alright. Could have been much worse. Thank. God. *sigh*

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5 comments

  1. I'm so glad you're ok. But I totally understand how you feel. Looking fine and being fine and two different things. Take time to heal. I hope you have grace with your future assignments. Don't rush the recovery. Take it slow. One day at a time! {hugs}

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  2. I'm glad to see you back in action! But I can totally relate to the "SupahSistahGirl" syndrome. You have to be about YOU. Unfortunately when you are amazing, others think that you always have it together & never need support or even a hug. That's what your SupahSistahGirl tribe is for ;). Oh and I also have been the victim of a "mature" driver. I now have a phobia of octogenarians behind the wheel. We should have cocktails & swap stories lol!

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    1. You already know...you had me at cocktails!

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  3. I'm glad you are doing better. I have fallen victim to the "supasistahgirl" syndrome. I'm currently prepping my cape to hang up because this girl is tired I need a break.

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