Aunt Viv was me 5 years ago

12:28 PM

Look at Ms. Janet...her ole Petty LaBelle arse! Using #OscarsSoWhite -- the hashtag representing the outrage over the lack of Blacks being nominated for Academy Awards --  to throw jabs at Will and Jada. Well, mainly Jada, but still. She told them both to get over themselves!

Because the Smiths are the only Black actors who benefit from mainstream Hollywood acceptance. The only ones. SMH

Forget the other actors of color, be it of the past (Sidney Poitier), of the present (Halle) and of the future (Ice Cube's son). Aunt Viv used the Oscar shun to come after the Smiths, and she knows it. She's had this beef with Will since the second season of "Fresh Prince"...ma’am, I see you. I see your failure to leave the past in the past and risk further blackballing. I see you.

Everyone sees you, especially the former Pettys of the world, like me.

As I celebrate SAH's 5th Blogaversary I am forced to look back at the old me. I was low-key bitter about having to pawn that engagement ring to line my bank account, and about finding out that dude got engaged to someone else six months after we broke up.

I.was.petty.

Letting go was probably broken five years ago. It was either broken or lost, because for some reason I couldn’t do it. Oh, I said I could let go, but I really couldn’t. Instead, I hid my inability to release that toxin of the past with shade, shade and more shade. Anytime I got the chance to throw shade, to the ex and to men period, I did it. If I had the chance to pull off what Janet/Viv -- use a massive news story to take shots at a folks and hope nobody catches the anger sadness behind a video rant -- I would have dived into it like what.

But where would that have gotten me? A few likes? Some "amen girl!" replies? Well, it did. 

Was that all I need to let go in the end? Nope.

Columnist Ann Landers once said, "Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it."

So when it comes to leaving (and accepting) the past, it’s going to take more than strength, motivational memes, vision boards, your girls. And being trifling ain't gonna cut it, either. I can get past that relationship; Viv can get past a job she was fired from, a job which gave her notoriety that she will always have. She will always be the “better” Aunt Viv to me. No offense to her replacement.

Securing opportunities to spread negative vibes rarely helps anyone. I wonder if the otherwise compelling actress and dancer will ever face her demons and garner the strength to move on? I mean for real move on!

Because when you use a platform the way she used it, (or the way I would have used THIS platform years ago) you lose. Only you. While the world keeps turning. You're stuck in unresolved crap, with a video. You.Lose.

And the Smiths? They win, again.

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4 comments

  1. Such a great perspective. I actually didn't put the two together, but now that you've mentioned it, I can definitely see the sadness and the bitterness behind it. Thanks for this post. We all need to learn to do a better job letting go.

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    1. What can I say? (Former) bitter knows bitter? LOL

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  2. Great post. I'm kind of in the middle of this. I can understand that being bitter is not very becoming but I also understand why she told the Smiths to stop whining over not getting any nominations. Why people put so much effort in being validated from an award show that barely recognizes black talent is beyond me.

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  3. Girl, you hit the nail right on the head!!! You can't get over being bitter, by being MORE bitter and angry. In my Radio Raheem voice: "Left-Hand Hate KOed by Love" Only LOVE drives out hate! Thanks for your transparency. It's not easy. But I'm glad you were able to heal and move forward.

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