Your socks don't have to match

3:10 PM

Charlotte, October 27th. At 10 o’clock that night, having come to terms with another rainy, can't-work-nobody's-second-gig-in-this-weather-and-now-I am-lonely evening, I reach for the remote and search for "Being Mary Jane" on BET. (I still don't know the channel number by heart since I hardly watch Blackless Environment Television anymore.) Then the shenanigans you'd expect from the typical single gal alone with the TV begin to commence: I turn up the volume with the remote in my right hand as I sip on Merlot with my left. Seems harmless so far. Then I feel not so alone-ish as Mary Jane's former BFF, Lisa, is chillin' like me: wine and solo R & R.

That is until she headed for her bedroom, sat on the bed and poured three-bottles worth of prescription meds into a bowl filled with water. Her life came to an end -- almost too convincingly for acting; that girl was good -- in a matter of minutes. 

The following evening, still reeling over the episode (I won't spoil it in case you have yet to catch it), I scroll the Facebook just because... and learn of a real-life suicide. 40-year-old Sam Sarpong died Monday after jumping off a bridge in California. He was a model, an actor and a seemingly good dude (his friends all have nothing but great things to say about him) who thought that for some reason he needed to be done with this world, less than two months before 2016. 

Couldn't even finish the year out...

Now I will not begin to play therapist or call him (or the Lisa character for that matter) selfish. But I do have a question: what was so important that he couldn't face himself any longer? Just so we're clear, NOTHING is so important that you would need to end your life. NOTHING. But, let's say that unless he was suffering from a form of mental illness and/or had no idea what he was doing, he felt that he had to do...what he had to do. 

What was so important?

After experiencing fame and having a host of "friends" who clearly admired him...what could be missing? For many of us, doing what we love and having a few peeps to share it with is enough. 

There is no great way to write a segue into online dating, but please ride with me here. 

Because we need to learn this while we are still breathing: that important stuff, isn't always important. Seriously, what's important to you? Looks? Family? Love? The feeling of love (make no mistake, there is a difference between a feeling and love)?

In my now-defunct online profile my headline read "your socks don't have to match." While I gained a few laughs and flirts, it was actually meaningful. If looks and great sex are more important than how I expect to be treated, we don't meet to meet offline. If what's on your feet is more important that what's in your bank account -- and I'm not suggesting that was Sam's issue by any means -- you need to reevaluate your life, while you're still breathing. 

Treating yourself to self-care, getting help when you need it and caring enough about yourself to cry out to the Lord...these things are what matter to me the most. Because nobody's red bottoms will stop depression.

Your socks don't have to match. It's so not that serious.Let's get to what really matters before it's too late.

And stop claiming you're busy. That's a cop-out for not wanting to express your truth. So stop it...

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  1. This spoke to me. These suicides were too close to home for me because I have a sibling who has attempted suicide twice and it's a very tramatic experience.

    1. Oh no! Shayla I am so sorry to learn of this. I hope your sibling is getting some help.

      I can only image what you have gone through...