Last Sunday was my last day of fishing. Here's why.

10:56 AM

This kind of fishing is left best to those who will go all the way in...image source: icolorama

I wasn't dreaming too big: Recently one of my good friends announced her engagement to a man she'd met online. They have only dated for several months but you know what? Once you've reached a certain age and have lived a fulfilling life it's safe to say that you know yourself enough to be cool with jumping into the deep end of the proverbial pool.

Note: Lots of nautical/water references in the post. Perhaps I am missing the beach that much...don't know. Just thought I should warn you.

So to think that I -- being not that far from the age of my friend -- could possibly find the one online, was reasonable at best to me. Essence mag also shares similar came-true dreams, quite often; these are people just like you and me, dammit!

So much for the dream. Perhaps it's not supposed to be something that is worth floating around my mind. My writing business is hurting and I have a High School senior needing money for everything. I can see why so many singles stay single forever. It's just not my time I guess. That's the sign. Then there are others signs...

Those other signs convince me to no end that online dating..."fishin"...should be left to those who are experienced in deep-sea missions or own boats tough enough for the rough currents. Them boats that catch seafood up and down the Atlantic Ocean and Mississippi River. Not a tugboat fit for two people where one is just looking around for whatever.

Last Sunday I realized that I was in that tugboat with a make-shift rod fit for any 60s-80s style cartoon, catching nothing worth mentioning and winding up with an old nasty WTF on the end of the string.

It's not like I had a preference of fishies...image source: Talia Cohen
What is that WTF? It makes me wonder if I should have studied psychiatry instead of mass communications. I spotted all the bad things about my ex-fiance when I took the plunge a few weeks ago and met someone in person. I spotted traits matching the profile of a psychopath. Charming as hell, knew what to say and do, professed how I was the one, then flipped out a week later via text.

At least getting hit with a ton of bricks didn't hurt as much virtually (from someone I hardly knew anyway) than it did years ago when I drove from New York to Maryland to hear "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." Oh my bad; I forgot to tell my veteran dolls how I saw the signs of crazy but still stayed with dude for almost five years. One day girls...I promise to make time to share the story...one day...

And then there was one of the most awkward moments of the year!
Here's more to add to the dot-com shenanigans that could only happen to me...because God be like "nah, you ain't about that fishing life." I'm talking awkward shyt that makes me wonder if the online dating CEOs know that I am a blogger and I need stuff to write about.

So back in 2011, after moving to NC I joined "A-plenty" and apparently met a man I'll call Mr. Pointless, because giving him my number the first time was pointless, and giving it to him again four years later was even more pointless. In short, we'd forgotten we chatted years ago. When he screen-shotted and texted me my contact info (which included an old Maryland number!) I thought "oh crap, I didn't find him interesting enough to remember we chatted back in the day...and neither did he!"

In talking with him last night it truly occurred why we never really connected. I.still.yawn.

Now what?
I live. I get back on my writing grind and hustle hard as I work on my other jobs. I eat, drink and be merry by myself. And hope to run into the one at the 7-11 because mad dudes be out there for some reason.

But don't let my commentary keep you from testing the waters. For the most part the waters have been clean and CATfish free...



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8 comments

  1. Hi there. I enjoy reading your posts. I've been wanting to reply to some of your posts but I'm so private and scary that I airways changed my mind. Lol. But what the heck. This post hit home for me.

    I have done most of my dating online over the past 4 years. It has been an adventure. I learned some people are online because that's their only option because they have some type of issue whether it be social, mental, insecure, jealous-type, player-type, pickier-than-me-type, etc ( I'm referencing all of the "types" I've come across lol).

    I always attempted to give up on online dating but also always ended up signing right back on (i think i had a problem with being alone) lol. I did save one site in particular for last (because I knew that would require work and I too had some friends offer their successful testimonies). I found men that were a little more serious but just no connection. So in June I gave up ( for real this time :-/) but the problem was eHarmony won't let you delete your account until you've made all your payments lol.

    I just let the account sit there. Then I got a "smile" from someone... And iI let my guard down a little and the rest has been great. So far so good and Ii hope it stays that way. I just wanted to share because I have felt the exact way you feel and the moment I gave up with the persistent search someone came along. I just feel like the moment I said to myself "seriously no more fishing" and stopped hunting and approaching ....something happened in my favor.

    Your person may not be found online ... He may really be at the 7-11 (lol) but either way I just wanted to wish you luck and tell you to be encouraged. :-)

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    1. Great story!!! Thank you for sharing...for reading...and for your encouragement. Please keep me posted on the progression at welcometotyland@yahoo.com.

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  2. Sorry, you didn't have a great experience with online dating. It's been a hit or miss for people in my circle. The problem is that when it's a miss, it's really bad! LOL You can look at online dating as another way of meeting people vs traditional places. And honestly, you can have the same experiences that way too. But I do get it. You have priorities and I appreciate your hustle! :-) Looking forward to your blog if you meet him at 7-11 LOL Please be encouraged. Thanks for sharing your story with us!!!

    SN: I met my hubby via AOL in a chat room (NetNoir - not a dating room) 20 years ago. It was a random meeting, developed into a friendship and 20 years later, 18 years married, 3 kids we're blessed to still be together.

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    1. Yes the misses are really bad! I hope this means the hits are really good ...you know... in the event that I decide to rejoin the online dating scene. And I am aware that offline dating could yield the same results. It's just that when you're online you are putting forth an effort more than you would meeting someone by chance in the real world.

      As far as your AOL find, talk about you've got mail, and more! LOL Congrats girl!

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  3. I hung up my online fishing pole about a year ago. I decided that it's just not for me. So I get exactly what you're saying here.

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    1. It's not for everyone, like the club scene ain't for everyone.

      And that's okay!

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  4. I can relate to this post so much although I'm in my late twenties. An great read!

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    1. You're in a great position in your life to date freely. Don't focus on marriage and long-term stuff right now. Listen to Auntie Ty! Lol

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