Divorced And Happy...Meet The New Blogger Pt. 2

1:12 PM

It wasn't until we were married and I was pregnant with his child that I discovered everything he told me about himself was a lie. Well, the only truth he told was that he wanted to be an accountant. It seemed ridiculous to me since I had just found out he didn't have 12 credits to go. Instead, he had only completed 12 credits!

I was only working part-time, and since I couldn't get another job waddling into interviews, I put my foot down. He enrolled in online classes and worked 2 jobs to make up for the income he claimed he made. While he was making things right, I couldn't shake feeling tricked into the marriage and my resentment grew as the years went by. So when we fought, I threw things, screamed at him and always brought up divorce. It wasn't until I was laid off my job in 2007 that I recognized that much of that anger stemmed from a childhood trauma (again, you gotta read the book).

I decided to go through counseling and faced my demons. It was hard but I eventually recognized the part I played in the marriage. I had to forgive him. I never believed in divorce and since I had been spending more time in church and aspiring to live God-like, I knew divorce wasn't an option for me. Even though I felt tricked into the marriage, I made the conscious decision to stick it out.

But still, there was something going on with him that I couldn't quite put my finger on. A consistent, underlying current of anger that, although familiar to me, felt wrong. I tried everything to keep him from going there, but when we fought, it revealed a level of hatred no man should ever have for his wife.

Let me give you an example:

Some time in 2007, we had a fight and weren't speaking to each other. This had been going on for a few days, but we had managed to go through our daily activities without consulting the other. One particular day, I took my car out to run errands. He followed me into the garage, stood at the door, but said nothing. I left out, deciding to take the back streets instead of jumping on the highway. I'm fortunate for that decision because my tire blew out not even 5 minutes into the drive. I stopped the car in front of a church, and a gentleman came out and changed it for me. My errands delayed, I went to a local tire shop and bought a new tire.

When I arrived home, I had to tell him about the tire and the unplanned money I spent. He said, "yeah, I knew your tire looked low but I didn't say anything to you because we were in a fight." Then he shrugged his shoulders and walked off. I was stunned! How could the man who called me his queen, said he's never loved anyone like this before, risk my physical safety like that? What if I had taken the highway? I could have been hurt or worse. Those words forever remained on my heart. Although it was terribly wrong, it was also similar to the treatment I received growing up. The people who were supposed to be there for me constantly abandoned or overlooked me because they disliked the choices I made or I managed to piss them off somehow. Although familiar, the counseling and work I doing for myself left me longing for something different. I was finally beginning to believe I deserved something different, something better.

Fast track to 2010, I had completed yet another round of counseling. But things had not improved. This time, though, I asked him to take counseling sessions separate from me. Once we worked on our issues, we'd decide on a marriage counselor to help us navigate the rest of our years together. He agreed but procrastinated finding a counselor. But after much prodding, he finally went. For two weeks, y'all. No lie. He said he was unable to make time due to work but recognized he needed to put my feelings into consideration. So for about 2 years, he did a much better job. I did see some signs of the old him, but after pointing it out, we talked about it and moved on.

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