The type of 'ish that will get you unfriended on Facebook (or at least hidden for a few)-Day 9

8:29 AM

A girl can't just take a break from book editing  (get your copy of  "Single and Happy: Nothing Like a Writer Scorned" before its release date by clicking one of the two Paypal buttons on the right of your screen!) to check in with her Facebook page "likers" without getting annoyed.

Once and for all, it's time to delete the Facebok app from my phone. You know the time has come when I can come up with a list of status update types that I loathe more than Honey Boo Boo's momma. More than grown men in nut-scraping skinnies. More than "Eve", the TV show -- why must it air on TV One each morning is beyond me. Here are just five on that list:

Addressing your "haters".
Bish, please. I know you in real life. You think 98.4% of those who know you are haters? That's not hate on you, they simply hate you. Maybe they at least they hate certain things about you; the self-promotions every fifteen minutes comes to mind. Everyone has a last nerve and you're jumping on it like it's a trampoline. Speaking of know what, never mind girl, you're think I'm hating, too

Addressing your spouse. Psst! Doll, he's upstairs. He's in the garage. The man cave. On the toilet. Do you really need to converse with your loved one on Facebook about a TV show? It's only cute when the youngins' do it, and then it gets old after a week. And if you two share an account, I'm definitely hiding your posts. Takes too long to figure out who is posting. You've been warned...and by you, I mean both of y'all.

Your preggo updates.
It's been 1997-98 since I've experienced pregnancy but minus Diaper Genies and Diaper Cake-themed showers, nothing much has changed. There is no need to post how swollen your feet are, or how tired or hungry you are. Log off Facebook and get some rest, before that baby you keep talliout n'bout arrives -- then you'll want to post updates about being a mom, yay.

Your schoolwork updates.
Let's see, you're in school and professors at said school give out assignments. The work is giving your mind a workout but you have to complete the assignments or you'll fail the class. Got it. See, it didn't take a chemistry experiment to figure that one out.

Your uber-enthusiasm before 9:00 am EST.
Please tell me you're scheduling your posts. I...just...can't. Nobody can be that damn happy before 9. NOBODY. You're so inspiring, so caffeinated, so excited because it's Monday. Let the rest of the world catch up; come back at noon.

There are more things that'll get me to no longer like you on FB. And before you respond with "just delete your account," I won't. Because there are lots about Facebook that I do like, but it's not 9:00 on the East Coast yet. Please refer to the paragraph on uber-enthusiasm.

I know it's not just me: what type of 'ish makes you unfriend/unfollow/hide in feed?

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  1. So right on this post. The ones I hate are all the MLM and Network Marketing people that call people that have a job, wage slave, stupid, etc., but get upset when people call their business a "pyramid" scheme. Do they really think insulting people and showing pictures of money will make me want to join your business?

  2. Yes!!! I hate them, too. We all know their office is in their momma's basement anyway. LOL

  3. Lol!!! You ain't neva lied. Okay I might be a little guilty of being happy before 9 though.

    1. A little guilty of being happy is not the same as POSTING IN ALL CAPS LIKE A CRAZY PERSON, SCREAMING HOW IT'S TIME TO GRAB THE DAY BY THE BALLS.

      This right here, is too much before 9 am...

  4. This was everything!! I hate when people want to argue via FB. Seriously? You sending out these blind threats and NEITHER of you are going to do anything. Everybody is hard when it comes to social media.

    I also dislike the #workflow, #workoutflow, and all the other flow pictures. How the hell you at work but you spending all your time taking pictures? Is this in your job description? Does your boss know about this? How the hell you working out but you're taking all these pictures. Not one time did i see an ounce of sweat. What type of work out plan is this?

    Last (definitely not least because I can go on for days) the "My man did this for me statuses" Really? He was so and so man last week. I mean are ya'll serious?

    Sorry for this essay but I feel the same way you do about FB. Yeah I can delete my profile. Oh speaking of that, I hate the people who make a big deal about how they hate FB adn they leaving. If you really doing so much you don't have to make an announcement just do it. Then a few days later they'll come back with "Hey FB, I'm back did you miss me?" Child boo.

    Anyways I will never delete my page. I like keeping up with people, networking, and I admit sometimes laughing at the ratchetness. I might take breaks here and there but I don't throw a party announcing it.

    I LOVED this post!

    1. Oh wow, you've reminded me of the other stuff I don't like on my newsfeed. LOL thanks!

  5. Must add to preggo updates the following: The pee stick pics. Really?