You don't have to wonder anymore: you gets nathan. (Mainstream interpretation: In case you're wondering, no, we will never have sex; thanks for playing!)

1:23 PM

Sometimes I wish I'd kept my daughter's Blue's Clues memorabilia, because some nikkas need clues something terrible. Sorry ladies but I'm too old to play the game of "how many dinners can I get out of him?" and I'm tired of wasting time with men I don't connect with. Enter: Mr. Hairline. Against my better judgement I went on a second date with this mofo. I figured at the very least it would be cool to give Netflix the Friday evening off for once, and so I showered and shaved my way into a typical date night -- dinner and a movie.

Actually it was spontaneous in which we decided to meet up at Boardwalk Billy's and take it from there. I got there on time and sat at the bar. I tell you a girl cannot go anywhere alone in Charlotte; is it taboo or something? And do I really have to order more drinks if I'm sitting at the bar -- by myself? So I sat and promised the bartender that my friend was on his way. I sat near a belligerent old white couple who hugged and petted each other to death -- my death. Yeah, I'll take another Jack and Coke, please.

"Was that your car that broke down?" Mrs. Belligerent asked between hugs.

I glanced the couple and went back to my drink. "Nope, that wasn't me."

"Oh! I thought that was you..."

She is determined to talk to me for some reason. In anti-social mode, I pretty much ignored her at that point. It was like I turned the channel on her azz. Where the hell is Hairline? Let him stand me up, see what happens.

In he walks, looking shorter than I remember. Damn, he didn't even bother to reach out to give me a hug. That's cool, because I wasn't getting up to give him one anyway. Do what now?!  He ordered a regular iced tea...c'mon son you need a DRANK. Oh, he wants me to get tipsy while he watches. Little does he know that I am a lush and watered-down alcohol means nothing to me, especially if I don't find you attractive.

I am trying to remember what we talked about -- outside of him telling me that he ran a background check on me and I earned a second date after passing his test, oh yes he did! -- that's how downhill this date was going. We finished eating, paid dutchly and then headed out to Concord Mills to see "The Call." So now this nikka wants to chat it up in the damned theater. If the movie needed a commentator to give the play-by-play I'm sure they would have hired this balding sonofabitch. Shut.up.please.

So because there are some teen fast-asses in here getting their spoon on, that give Hairline the go-ahead to have his left hand make its way onto my right knee. No, sir. I swatted those fingers so hard they could have ripped away from his hand. Yeah, I'd say this is the last date we're going on. Why did I even bother? What did I have against Netflix, and bootleggers?

He dropped me off about two hours later and...still...he thought I was going to invite his ass inside. Even if I wanted to, my apartment looks like I'm a hoarder in training right now. (I am working on that though!) "Uh, I have to get up early. Okay, bye."

"Take care," he mumbled.

Oh shyt he's giving me the boot. What is he? 12? Really? Just because you ain't get none on the second date means we are done? You sack of shit you...oh, that's right, I don't like him in that way to begin with, so it's all good. If I was attracted to him a) I would have cleaned up my crib, b) I would have invited him in and c) I wouldn't have waited almost a month to get together for the second time.

Strangely, dude called me the next day. I didn't answer and he didn't leave a message. Not sure what that was about...

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