5 ways to prepare for the CIAA...again...

2:25 PM

The CIAA is a weekend transformation of a country-azz city. Yes, it's still country here, with it's poorly executed road construction -- confirmed by a Charlotte native just a few moments ago here in Constellation Dollars -- and its tempting mason-jar-moonshine drinking that will get you right in minutes. 

So I've heard...

Since the book, Single and Happy: Nothing Like a Writer Scorned will be on sale by that time and the brand will be making its appearance in streets, (I'll be handing out bookmarks like a club promoter pushes flyers) I think you should know what to expect during the March madness.

And no, I don't have a place for you and your boo-I-don't- know-from-a-can-of-apartment-white-paint to stay, no matter how many bottles of Paul Masson you promise to show up with. Here are my five ways to prepare for the CIAA:

Watch the weather channel. Just because it's not snowing today doesn't mean it won't snow in March. Yes, it gets cold here. It gets cold in Houston so why would NC be a balmy 75 degrees? If you're looking to attract a sponsor, go ahead and disregard this tip; you'll need to look as naked as possible to compete with the others.

Know "where the action" is.
Charlotte is not a small city, so unless you know your way around town or you are rolling with fam, you want to stay in the uptown/downtown/Time Warner Cable Arena area. And you won't find a room for $100/per night. No, you will not!

Have lots of money. This weekend the prices for everything is jacked up just for you. Expect to spend your INCOME TAX REFUND here. Again, if you're looking for sponsorship, dress the part and you'll only need traveling money.

Don't fall in love.
Many a husband escape ooops I mean come down here to get their knobs slobbed. They travel in packs...I guess that makes it okay.

Don't sleep on Charlotte. Many of us are from other parts of the country. This means we have packed our sense of style. Don't come down here with no wide-ass invisible parts please.

If you see a brown chick on the corner in skinny jeans that magnify thunder thighs...one of them will be me, with my bookmarks. Grab one.

image source: blogs.ocweekly.com

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