The Coin Star: (Time for another date break.)

10:57 AM

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While my author-friend-in-my-head, Zane is wrapping up a dating challenge -- where women who have been too picky not been on a date in a minute accept the task of going on one -- I am shutting my ___.com profile down for the year.

Seriously, you cannot find time to go on one date in 50-something weeks? Oh I get it; you're looking for a husband. You are shutting men down with your grilling and examining, before dude can ask you out. Newsflash: you're doing it wrong. Get out there and have some cawfee, sheesh! 

In a world full of having and having not, it's comforting at best to take the bottom of the money barrel and turn it into a meal (via CoinStar, or are you too good to use the green machine?). Too bad the dating world cannot be this way. Imagine being able to take pieces of a man, particles you and I know would work for the greater good, if only they came together.

Pennies: Well...penis, the least important of all, but is still necessary to survive. What if you can take that asshole with the great dick *cough Cocainedick end cough* and leave his personality under the couch?

Nickles: Niceness, more important than some peen. Like the coin, nice looks good and you don't mind shoving some of this away for safe keeping. (read: the guy friend) But really, what good are they just being nice? *iYawn*

Dimes: Decent-looking (not even a 10 as I get nervous when men are in the mirror longer than me). Now, I am not implying that looks are more important than being nice. But let's face it, you can't look at "nice".

Quarters: Quality/ Intelligence. Because you just can't keep me interested without a decent conversation. To me, this is simply some quality shyt, being able to challenge my mind. You don't need a whole lot of intelligence to get things started either. Matter of fact, you can usually get more done with just a few doses of chatter. Just like a few quarters gets a bunch of laundry done.


Should I sit patiently and wait for such an invention, where we can build our perfect man? Of course not. Not even in a world where I can watch most of my favorite shows for free or $8/month on Netflix. Not even while I can bake cookies without having to mix and divide dough. (Y'all sleeping on Pillsbury's ready-to-bake joint!) Life wasn't meant to be so "cut" and dry for all the things this single gal wants. In the meantime, until there is an actual ManStar center in the nearest Food Lion -- or Harris Teeter -- I deal.

And by dealing, I mean it is time once again for a date break...I haven't been on a date since September.

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