Let's separate the separated once and for all.

10:18 AM

The separated needs to be separated from the rest of us. Image credit: salzgeber.at

My rule on dealing with the separated hasn't changed. Doesn't matter how cold it gets here. I don't care how single I am or will grow to become. I have no regard for the holidays and other reminders of my singlehood. (Likewise, nobody cares how Single and Happy I am when I'm standing tall...as a fifth wheel...*shrugs*) The separated have no room in my life.

I'm supposed to sit in line waiting for him to come my way, in between fighting and feeling on his wife? Please.

As you enter the Coach outlet store in Concord Mills, the newest of the old bags are neatly displayed in the front of the store, for all to drool over. Meanwhile the older-- and even cheaper -- of the old purses are clumped together in a corner in the back. The oldies are still nice-looking, good enough to blend in with the newbies in the front, but picked-over.

The same goes for the separated: y'all might be as fine as the singles, but you need to stay away  -- in the back corner -- from us, so that folks know ahead of time that you're not totally single.

My iPhone battery is as low as my tolerance for this "it's complicated" fool, who likes to text me out of the blue and expect me to stop what the hell I'm doing and carry a conversation with him. I am not flattered. Men can text women to death and it's called being the hunter. Women do it, and they are stalking. Go figure.

Why won't he close that chapter already? It's been months and he shows no sign of giving up his marital status. He's a decent catch, too: nice house down in South Carolina, not too deep into the backwoods; good physique; doesn't believe in going dutch; knows how to carry a conversation. I bet he thinks he deserves some sort of p*ssy praise.  His unwillingness to cut the marital ties is his only flaw, that I know of anyway.

Can our newly-elected President step in? I don't ask Obama for a thing, and I know he lost in NC *sigh* but if anyone could pass this message to him, I'd appreciate it: How about a law that prohibits non-singles from bothering singles? Those who do not comply should be captured and released into the wild -- that happily-ever-after home life they agreed to stay in, in front of God and their families.

Look, you just shouldn't be out here with the singles if you're not single. That includes you married-but-not-really-but-legally-speaking-I'm-married folks. We have clean slates, you don't, and that already squashes the compatibility factor. Get your life and get it away from your spouse. Then holler at me if I'm still available. As you were, with you're messy selves.

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