I will never...date/deal with a man who served time in federal prison.

8:28 AM

Let's face it, federal prison is the Yale of jail. Except there is nothing smart about its students. In fact, the extreme opposite holds true: *insert a WTF stamp in my head* I don't care how f*ckable he looks, how much money he has stashed, or how well he seems to have matured, that's the big jail we're talking 'bout. A no-go for me.

Now I just need to continually convince my coochie...

I've met this very attractive brudda the other day at the gas station. He stood at 6 foot something. He held the door for me and as he did he caught me looking at his car. He had left it running. Yep, I'm downsouth for sure!

He thought I was looking at a broken side-view mirror, which is ironic because between his looks and my surprise that anyone still leaves a car running these days, I didn't see anything broken at all. When he said "I see you lookin' at my broken mirror, I gotta get that fixed," I just knew we'd be effing before the month is out.

...after the month is over, only because it's that time of the month this week. This lasts three or four days and the month of May ends in about 10 days.

He is so country, but I wasn't expecting everyone here to be from the Northeast. He is polite because he held the door open when I wasn't really closely behind him. Others most likely would not have bothered to wait, and that would have been fine because I wouldn't have either.

He had to get back to work but wanted to exchange numbers. I wanted to get rid of these http://tylandtravel.net biz cards so I reach in my wallet to find one. Ooops they are in my car so I asked him to follow me in the car, get in the car, tell me how to get to the nearest alley (or the equivalent in the south) so he can lemme sit on his lap. Okay... so that's what I THOUGHT TO MYSELF. I asked for real-for real, if he could follow me to grab a biz card since I left my phone in the car too.

So we talked later that night. I mentioned that I have a background in non-profits. Not sure why in the world we weren't talking about, I dunno... sexual positions, but oh well, there is always the next day. So I thought:

Him: "Me 'n mah boys are tryin' to start a non-profit...blah blah blah...FEDERAL PRISON...blah blah blah.

Me: Okay I gotta ask, "Why were you in federal prison?"

Him: (defensive tone) "Well it ain't like I killed someone..."

This ish right here! No kidding you didn't kill anyone! You'd still be locked up if you did right?

You know I have even more questions, mad questions: Why the feds though? How much block hugging does one have to do to get federal attention? Has he been delivered? Is he laying low for now? He remembered my Ravens sweatshirt for earlier that day. Does that mean he still have ties to the drug game up there? What else would he be into? You see, there are just too many questions that trump any level of lust. For me, this is deep. I can not be bothered, so it's back to the toys I go. *throws hands up in frustration*

He ends the call with trying to change the subject (all I heard afterwards was blah blah and blah) and one of the most awkward moments I've had in a minute:

Him: "I hope this is not the last time we speak."
Me: "okaybye".

We have yet to speak again...SMH

You Might Also Like