Yes, marriage has changed you.

2:19 PM

Only the seasons should change...Pic courtesy of

Recently I've had the pleasure of reading a carefully written piece from a good friend, who happens to be married. I'm not trying to suggest anything, by the way, when I type "happens to be married". I still believe in marriage and who knows if I'll be single in Charlotte forever...

*blushing because I have a secret - hee hee*

Anyway, in the blog posting my DC buddy, Don, discusses the "rules" for being friends with someone who is married. Clearly this is about platonic friendships between men and women. I am totally all for it so for the most part, I have enjoyed reading what the bruh had on his mind since forever, apparently. But one sentence continues to stick in my head, days after reading it: "A married person's personality does not change because they are wearing a ring."

Respectfully, I call bullshyt on this.  

Some people have transformed into someone else, after getting married, and even before the wedding. Of course, you'll never hear anyone admit to it, everyone wants to keep it real. Wow the oxymoron here! But we all know at least one person who has left this Earth to be reincarnated into someone else. What exactly happened? Is the new person actually who he or she always was to begin with? Can they ever go back to who they were before the marriage?

I don't believe all married people change. And while I never met single Don, he's one the few honest people I know. In addition, he is very devoted to his wife. He was once told by a single woman that she wants a Don as a husband. Yes, he's that dude. However, I do have proof, two examples to share, that supports my title. Are you heading to the altar, JOP or somewhere else to say "I do"? Please don't make the mistakes I will soon describe in my examples, ya heard?

You are no longer interesting, girlfriend. 

Now I'm not talking about the wife who for obvious reasons will no longer make clubbing a weekly (or tri-weekly) event.  I'm talking about...damn...we used to laugh at certain things, but all of a sudden they no longer amuse you, the Mrs. How is that possible? It's the same effing joke! Something's gotta give. During the vows the couple must have mentioned something about giving up your sense of humor. I dunno...I was preggers, stayed running to the bathroom with a full bladder, and little T was kickin' the crap out of me, at the time.

For real though, how were we ever "besties" to begin with? I recall us working at a major southern fast-food spot, chatting it up between drive-thru orders, then rushing home to shower and change into whatever type of outfit our next adventure would call for (again, I'm cool with not clubbing as today's scene is too fan-cee for me). I knew those times would come to an end. They had too! But if it means having my old friend back, "Welcome to _______, would you like to try our fresh fried chiggen today?"

As much as I miss my old friend, the new chick can kick rocks and my mother better not give her my new number nor tell her I'm back in Kackalack. Real talk.

Wow. We weren't even married yet. 

I swear a big A ring has powers needing a scientific overview. Because not too long after choosing it (wasn't even wearing it yet!) they both went from a fun loving couple to "let's see who can piss who off first." He would eventually win that battle while she would retreat to safety. Congrats to him? 

Two people managed to let pending marriage get the best of them. What used to matter much, no longer did, while what should have never been a factor became the main focus. How dare you, lifetime commitment, you kryptonite sonofabish. Maybe they should have been old creepers instead. Because that's what the world need, more non-committed Black folk -- effing around -- to set the example for their kids.

Yes, the proceeding was about my ex and I because admittedly, we have both changed during the engagement. Guess I have three examples instead of two, eh? 

So yes, marriage can change you like the seasons, if you're not careful. Be on the lookout for fallen leaves (loss of sense of humor) and ice storms (that makes hearts turn cold). If you start to notice anything out of the ordinary, run for cover instead of the altar.

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  1. I can accept your reasoning here because in some cases, some spouses morph into something entirely different than who they were. I don't think that anyone would necessarily object to a person being more committed to their spouse (unless they were a Fatal Friend). I think the issue is when marriage dulls the senses of a person to the point where they are no longer the person they "are."

    There is a great deal of joy in being married and if you're with the person who falls within what I feel is the formula for a successful marriage (or relationship) where the two of you are incorporating affection and humor into your day-to-day, then things CAN become quite stale.

    My point in that statement from the blog is that one should not treat a person differently than before other than to show respect for their union. If they were your friend before, they "should" be the same kind of friend after but with another element added in. Just as one would want their friends to respect THEIR spouse, it carries over on both sides of the sexual spectrum.

    So, thanks for the review (and the kind compliments *blushing*). And, THANKS for being MY friend!!!!


  2. Back at ya, Donny. Hope we can catch up this summer. We have GOT to talk! LOL

  3. BTW, to YOUR credit, you did not treat your friend any different than before. That is very important to note.

    When a friend gets married, it is of course a choice, but you should not choose to segregate them from those activities that you used to enjoy unless it brings dishonor and unnecessary temptation to their union.

  4. Oh wow! You're right. I didn't treat her any differently at all! Yay me!

    And a true friend would never put someone's spouse at risk of being in a situation where dishonor or unnecessary temptation is a possibility...